I have a million things running around my head right now that I want to write about, help people with but well that’s all it’s doing right now, racing around my head and it’s not coming together very well for a blog post, so I give up on that angle.
So I’ve turned to music. Music is always helpful to me. This song, for the most part (like 99% of the lyrics) is how I feel about my abuser/my abuse (it’s taken me 11 minutes to write “abuser”, I’ve never said or written that before *deep breathe*).
I’ve bolded all the lyrics that apply to me below.
“Because Of You”
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I’ve learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it’s not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that’s weakness in your eyes
I’m forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can’t possibly break
When it wasn’t even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don’t know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I’m ashamed of my life because it’s empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
Dangerously Tenacious 